Obsessive Digressing Part I - The Feeling

rush, swirling rush,
twirling in a cloud of non-discipline.
for what kept me wanting more and more,
engulfing my being in a ridiculous obsessive bubble.
standing, stretching on tip toes,
watching the scene on repeat,
while the film continues to roll,
and time continues to pass.
play, (no rewind), straight to repeat.
height to height,
yet not in literal,
faint stream of fumes,
so very toxic, yet seems just like a game.
a little sunshine and tapping in dance,
i know regret's just waiting to smirk,
and say "i told you so".
all that energy,
that enthusiastic rhythm,
wanting to tap, tap and tap,
to do and to complete,
to make perfect.
and yet nothing seems perfect enough.

on a day normal,
infuse these same beats,
and we should be gearing to go.
right, they are,
thoughts a-racing,
jumping to and fro, everywhere,
yet nowhere in particular,
strongly in focus,
but there, we go moving to next.
constantly strung, non-stop obsessiveness to do,
with nothing to show, like time just moved faster.
 oops! hey there! what next?
on and on?
nope, not yet done!

and skipping a thought,
on the edge, i would love to stand,
see the beauty and help myself to the visual feast,
that renowned beauty that is the world.
to be carefree, hair in the wind,
not a care nor a want,
my hand in yours,
your familiar scent, in my senses,
if i could just be there,
in that painted scene,
the yearn for the not-so-perfect, yet thoroughly pined for, close.
the end of an overdue chapter,
to embark on a well fitted next.
such patience, i never knew i had,
the disinterest that built itself into a wall,
a recollection of words spoken so many years ago,
that may not be still so but left a print so deep,
it will not go away.
and so the heart, judgement impaired,
continues its campaign, albeit slightly faint,
to overrule the mind, in all its famed logic,
fighting against the objectivity,
with its only argument,
that the heart wants what it wants.