Bittersweet Haunting

for so long, i've been haunted by emotions and memories that i find so difficult to move past and to let go. each scene, each emotion, each frame are etched so strongly in my mind and heart. certain images, scents, words, conversations, promises, they stay.

i remember the back window of an old shophouse in my aunt's house where i used to feed the stray cats in the alley below. i couldn't have been more than the age of two. i remember my uncle walking up the old stairwell that led to the second floor. i remember playing in the balcony with my cousin and telling on her when she didn't finish her vegetables and flushed it down the toilet instead.

i remember the internet chat we had about the rabbit and the dog, how i touched his arm for the very first time, when both of us never even knew that we would be together. i remember our long dinners on the beach talking about absolutely nothing and everything. i remember turning up at his door with a bow around my neck, telling him i was his birthday gift, that i had not bought anything else. i remember him waiting for me when i came down the lift with a bouquet of champagne roses in his hands. i remember seeing him waiting for me after i finished teaching a student on a bad day just because he knew i wasn't happy and just so he could walk me home.i remember how his backview looked while he crossed the road back to work after he walked me to the bus stop. i remember buying him a single champagne rose that so unfortunately snapped off at the head. i remember us always trying to outdo each other in surprising each other waiting for each other after our internship jobs. i remember how we tried to make out in a class chalet room and being interrupted by an unknowing classmate. i remember how he told me that this is it, we were it. i remember how i felt that i was the luckiest girl in the world just by being next to him. i remember how he told me that i made him happy just by helping him organize. i remember how we used to walk or took the bus instead of a train or a cab just so we could prolong the time we spent together, so we never had to say goodbye. i remember how difficult it was everytime we parted at night. i remember how you called me over to your place just because you wanted to see me on that last day. i remember how you left. i remember not wanting to believe you left. i remember not wanting to let you go. i remember that last cold kiss.  i remember you. i remember all our moments together. you made me believe that souldmates exists. you made me understand what love really means. you made me a better person. but you made me realize that there be no other love like ours. 

i may not remember alot of things and very often, i erase memories. but every moment we had together will never go away. we will see each other again one day. soon.